Einige UNIX Sprüche
60 things you don't want the UNIX-sysadmin to say
- I cleaned up the root partition and now there's LOTS of free space.
- Go get your backup tape. (You _do_ have a backup tape?)
- What software license?
- Well, it's doing _something_.....
- I got a better job at Lockheed...
- What do you mean that wasn't a copy?
- It didn't do that a minute ago...
- Where's the GUI on this thing?
- Where's the DIR command?
- Do you smell something?
- I think it should not be doing that...
- I remember the last time I saw it do that...
- You might as well all go home early today ...
- Hmm, maybe if I do this...
- ``Why is my "rm * .o" taking so long?''
- Hmmm, curious...
- Well, _my_ files were backed up.
- YEEEHA!!! What a CRASH!!!
- What do you mean you needed that directory?
- What do you mean /home was on that disk? I umounted it!
- Do you really need your home directory to do any work?
- Sorry, we deleted that package last week...
- [looks at workstation] "Say, what version of Dos is this running?"
- Oops! (said in a quiet, almost surprised voice)
- What do you mean that could take down the whole network?
- Tell me again what that '-r' option to rm does
- Say, What does "Superblock Error" mean, anyhow?
- If I knew it wasn't going to work, I would have tested it sooner.
- Was that YOUR directory?
- System coming down in 0 min....
- The backup procedure works fine, but the restore is tricky!
- Hey Fred, did you save that posting about restoring filesystems with vi and a toothpick? More importantly, did you print it out?
- OH, SH*T! (as they scrabble at the keyboard for ^c).
- It is only a minor upgrade, the system should be back up in a few hours. ( This is said on a monday afternoon.)
- What is all this I here about static charges destroying computers?
- Ooops. Save your work, everyone. FAST!
- Boy, it's a lot easier when you know what you're doing.
- I hate it when that happens.
- Nobody was using that file /vmunix, were they?
- You can do this patch with the system up...
- What happens to a Hard Disk when you drop it?
- Well, I've got a backup, but the only copy of the restore program was on THAT disk....
- What do mean by "fired"?
- hey, what does mkfs do?
- where's the taskbar with the "Start"
- where did you say those backup tapes were kept?
- That's SOOOOO bizarre.
- ...and if we just swap these two disc controllers like _this_...
- don't do that, it'll crash the sys........ SHIT
- Can you get VMS for this Sparc thingy?
- We don't support that. We _won't_ support that.
- ...and after I patched the microcode...
- We prefer not to change the root password, it's an nice easy one
- Just add yourself to the password file and make a directory...
- Umm, did anyone have anything important in /usr?
- I just made an extra 2 meg of space in /, I stripped /vmunix. Oh, so that's why ps doesn't work.
- Ignore the errors. It complains too much.
Aus diversen BSD Newsgroups..
I think *BSD is like a castle, no two castles are the same and yet they all
share similar features. They all have dungeons, they all have towers, they
all have a way of keeping the invading hordes away from the main keep.
Windows/* is like a trailer house, it always looks the same on the outside,
its got crappy walls that can't even block sound much less an invading
horde, and it toilets back up regularly. :-)
If you don't spend energy getting what you want,
You'll have to spend it dealing with what you get.
BSD: more is more.
NetBSD: we put the Net in BSD.
BSD: The devil's advocate.
Microsoft: "Where do you want to go today?"
Linux: "Where do you want to be tomorrow?"
BSD: "Are you guys coming, or what?"
Never underestimate the bandwidth of
a station wagon full of tapes
hurtling down the highway.
ybrY Contrary to popular belief, Unix is user friendly.
It just happens to be selective about who it makes friends with.
NetBSD: Microsoft asks you where you wan to go, NetBSD gets you there.
Unix is like a wigwam: No fences, no gates, apache inside.
"One World, One Web, One Program" - Microsoft Promotional Ad
"Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Fuhrer" - Adolf Hitler
Customer: "I'm running Windows 95 and Internet Explorer 4."
Tech Support: "Y-e-e-e-e-s........"
Customer: "My Computer isn't working now."
Tech Support: "Yes, you just said that."
Progress (n.): The process through which Usenet has evolved from
smart people in front of dumb terminals to dumb people in front of
smart terminals. -- firstname.lastname@example.org (obscurity)
Anything that can be done in O(N) can be done in O(N^2).
-- Ralf Schuettau (after looking at a particular piece of code)
Q: What do you call a person who hacks while wearing no clothes?
A: A gnudist.
There is this special biologist word we use for 'stable'.
It is 'dead'. -- Jack Cohen
"For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple,
neat, and wrong." (H. L. Mencken)
NetBSD - better for your uptime than Viagra
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot!
Just as society tries to force kids to carry the 20 lb plastic kid
around with them for weeks to learn how hard it is to have a child,
NT Server administrators should be forced to fix a corrupted
Exchange database before being allowed to buy an NT Server.
-- Stephen E. Halpin on comp.unix.advocacy
BTW--i was just in CompUSA looking for a Duo Type III battery, and the
creepy announcer-advertisement voice was telling me how powerful
``L-eye-nuks'' is. What is ``powerful,'' what's the difference between a
computer and a ``server,'' i still don't know, but I threw the nearest
sales lackey against the wall and screamed, ``Say it, you worthless goat!
X...Window...System... not XWINDOWS!. u...s...r.... not USER! don't
_push_ me, little man.'' so if you see my picture on the wall in your
local CompUSA that's why.
*blink* a fiancee that knows Unix? so _you're_ the *rd that took my
Dude, my wife is our system administrator/AFS administator/security officer,
which can be really good OR really bad, depending on how you look at things : -)
:-) So we're not alone (what is our household like? Well, around here
we have `his' and `her' sparcstations). Our daughter will have a NetBSD
system of some sort as soon as she can reach the keyboard...
Our three-year-old is learning the letters of the alphabet by typing in
an xterm with a large font - does this count? She now knows almost as
much about computers as my wife :-)
students != hostile users
Making mistakes is part of learning.
"Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative." - Oscar Wilde
"Only wimps use tape backup: _real_ men just upload their important stuff on
ftp, and let the rest of the world mirror it."
--Linus Torvalds on linux-kernel
"A bus station is where the bus stops. A train station is where the
train stops. What is a work station?"
# -=- "If there is a hell... I'll see you there" -=-
Wow. They force you to use NT at work, too?
"I worry about my child and the Internet all the time, even though she's
too young to have logged on yet. Here's what I worry about. I worry that
10 or 15 years from now, she will come to me and say 'Daddy, where were
you when they took freedom of the press away from the Internet?'"
"The nice thing about standards is that there
are so many of them to choose from."
-- Andrew Tanenbaum
Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: To stamp out forest fires.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To stamp out flaming ducks.
Faith is the quality that enables you to eat blackberry jam on a picnic
without looking to see whether the seeds move.
"Good grief, I've just noticed I've typed in a rant. Sorry chaps!"
Keir Finlow Bates, circa 1998
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy."
-- Tom Waits
Internet connection, $19.95 a month. Computer, $799.95. Modem, $149.95.
Telephone line, $24.95 a month. Software, free. USENET transmission,
hundreds if not thousands of dollars. Thinking before posting, priceless.
Somethings in life you can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard.
-- Graham Reed, in the Scary Devil Monastery
The first version of UNIX (besides the PDP-6 REALLY first
version) ran on a PDP-11/20, which doesn't have an MMU. I asked
Dennis Ritchie about this, thinking it must have been a single-user
system, under the circumstances. He said, no, it was indeed multi-user.
"All the terminals were in the same room. Whenever someone wanted
to test a program, he'd say, 'a.out?' And everyone else in the room
would go, 'w', 'q' [the command sequence to write out a file in 'ed',
and then quit]."
One bogus pointer and the OS and all the other programs
currently running are binary garbage.